Review Notes of First Draft

Andrew Lichtenberg

The dialog is all about plot. There's no small talk, no background. The characters need to live a little through their dialog



Terry Adams


What a wonderful ambitious undertaking! I've read the first act so far. I'll continue later. It really does hold my interest - I like the humor - the characters are coming alive - excellent! My only criticism at this point is that I think it could move faster in a few places. For instance, at the very beginning, the play could open with Winston & Thalia already sitting at Lambert's desk, Thalia crying/sniffling, the paper bundles just being handed across - - - - maybe. ---although I like the business with the formal/informal name exchanges.

(maybe, but I kind of like the contrast between the opening and ending scenes ...)

Delma Soult:

I love it and I think it can work!. It flows pretty nicely and it is hilarious in some portions. I love Henrietta and Thalia and Winston.
Well, all of the characters are great. Have you thought about possible actors/actresses? Is Frannie the puppeter's daughter? ;-)
My only concern is the staging..Many short scenes with different staging needs but I am sure we could think on how to integrate the main set up and accomplish all scenes with help of an expert. The last scene is great --the only thing again is how to accomplish all the aspects in the stage.

Anyway, i think overall it is a great play and I am sure it would be very succesful in La Honda.
Does Betsy want to participate too? Does Rosanna? She could be a great Henrietta, though she is moving out of town..who else?
Perhaps Nuala, Siobhan, Tom D., Neil etc. We can use kids as cats..(Ozan, Tallulah, and that age group)..

Hey--what about also including a scene in Apple Jack's with a couple other interesting LH characters that would resemble some our "extravagant" locals..just to add up on the fun..;-) --Perhaps Thalia and Winston can stop in town for directions on their way to the Rainbow Spring..or something like that..
Perhaps they can meet there a a local "writer", "drank" and "hippy"..or things of the sort. These can show at end in the final scene again (as the additional villagers). Also, you could make fun of the fact the "current restaurant" has changed names so many times..

In any case, it is fine as it is, but adding one additional or two scenes "making fun" of current things we all know about would probabbly add on the fun for the audience..